Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize