I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
