are you still at the devil's house?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
