A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
