Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
