wat bout pragnant strippers??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
