so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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