Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
