so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
