He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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