Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
