nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
