singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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