I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
