I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
