How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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