I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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