tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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