Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
