i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
