i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
