If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
