Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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