I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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