Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
