Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dignity is for republicans.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
