I hope mine doesn't look like that
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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