I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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