my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
