I wanna bring you to show and tell
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
