woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
