This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
