absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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