is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
