She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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