Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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