i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
