I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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