don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
