So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
