Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
