Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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