i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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