go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize