Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
