I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
