Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
