we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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