You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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