Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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