The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
