It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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