I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
