I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
