I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
