why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you have to choose: penises or morals?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
