Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
