How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
