he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
