How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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