I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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