just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
