Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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