i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
