Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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