Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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