Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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