So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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