i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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