my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
false alarm, still single
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