If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
