I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
did i just pee glitter
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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