Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize