me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
