Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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