Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
